Education

  • Degrees obtained from Gnome University will carry more weight.
  • We intend to make free university tuition available to all students named Grant.

Politics

  • In reaction to the old adage, “Children are so honest” we intend to reduce the age of standing for parliament from 21 to 5. Special dispensation will also be given to cute babies to be appointed to ministerial positions. There is a clear understanding that the Civil Service runs everything anyway. They will surely incur less abuse than a obese, balding, puffing old fart.
  • All foxes will be issued with sheep’s clothing.
  • Weed killers should be considered as a weapon of mass destruction.

gretzky_coin_smallEconomy

  • Introduction of a 99-cent coin to save on change. It will be called the Gretzky after the “Great One”.
  • Abolishment of the HST because it’s proved unpopular & will also make the Gretzky more useful.
  • Rich people should be taxed to pay for the printing of money, as they use most of it.
  • We’ll eliminate the Black Economy by shining a light on it.
  • We will eliminate the underground economy by forbidding companies to operate in basements. (Thom Thomas)

Senior Citizens (not to be confused with old farts)

  • Meals will be served on plates not on wheels.

Pets

  • Anyone believing that their pet understands every word that they say to them will be asked to make the pet write a thesis to prove it. It will be illegal to name your Cat “Cat Mandu“. There can be only one. Law and Order Loonie Party 2010
  • Anyone caught breaking the law will be made to mend it.

Environment

  • All fast food will be clearly labeled “May contain traces of food”.
  • We will channel all the hot air coming from Parliament into a purpose built Wind farm, so that everyone will have free heating in the winter, and electric fans in the summer.
  • To make electricity cheaper to produce, all joggers will be placed in a huge revolving drum linked by a dynamo to the national grid.
  • People who drink gin and tonics will not be allowed ice. This will help to preserve the polar ice cap.
  • We were the first party to support Fartless Fridays as it is a good thing . Some “tight asses” may actually explode.
  • To prevent a fuel crisis and help farmers we will work together with Volkswagen to produce a new car which runs on farmyard effluent. We propose to call this new car the ‘Dung Beetle’.

Sport

  • We intend to pressure the organizers of the Olympics to include: The Annual Witch ducking Championships. (Which was abandoned 400 years ago due to contestants drinking too much).
  • We will force all Olympic teams from all countries to use the same GNOMEnclature for making comments. (Thom Thomas for Hardly Gnome)
  • We will ban all forms of Greyhound racing. This will help stop the country going to the dogs.

Education

  • Reduction of class sizes by making pupils sit closer together.
  • Bright pupils will be provided with dimmer switches to prevent them distracting the rest of the class.
  • Any child who is cleverer than their teacher will be allowed to take over the class and the teacher will stand at the back with a dunce’s hat on. He or she will then be on half pay until he or she has learnt enough to regain the upper ground. This is our policy for child empowerment.
  • We intend to make free university tuition available to all students named Grant.
  • We will raise educational standards by requiring that all High Schools are located on the top floor of the tallest buildings in each city! They are after all “high” schools.
  • We will lower tuition fees by always printing the total at the bottom of the page.
  • We will increase support for students by requiring them to wear those special “support hose” to all academic functions.
  • Homework should be banned as it is bad enough for kids having to go to school let alone bring it home with them. To combat discomfort and possible medical litigation, cushions will be provided for all school chairs. ( more relevant for US schools maybe? )
  • Languages should be banned in schools as most kids (and adults) have trouble with English.

Constitution

  • The Constitution will be sorted out by going for a long Walk. “As everyone knows that walking is good for the constitution”

Transportation

  • Rainbow stop – It is proposed that we should get rid of three colour traffic lights, and replace it with a much larger spectrum. (proposed by Liv & Lord Graham with a cue )

Espionage

  • Incognito- We should put video cameras on peoples heads. Then we shall send them to spy in Russia.

Security

  • Guard Dogs shall no longer be (permitted. they’re so vicious) It is proposed that they will be replaced with Guard Tortoises, called Shelly. (proposed by Sir Leroy)

Equality

  • K9 IQ The true intelligence of dogs will be fully recognized and appreciated. (when did you last see a dog step in a human pooh?) (proposed by Sir Leroy & Lord Pumba)

Liberation

Calling for the end of the exploitation of gnomes. Say no to gnome delivery. (proposed by Hardly Himself — party founder)

Election Procedure

  • Why do we put a “cross” on the ballot paper. A cross normally means “that’s wrong”. We propose that a “tick” would be more suitable. Putting a cross next to someone’s name on the ballot paper is as good as writing “monumental cock up” next to their name.

Health

  • Chocolate be available as a prescription drug.
  • Free prescriptions will be made available for all. It shouldn’t cost anyone to be sick.

Immigration

Our policy on Asylum Seekers is simple, the asylums should be better sign-posted. Actually you might go crazy just looking for one as they seem to have either disappeared or have more political correct labels like ” Drop in” ( the bucket) or “Shelter” ( not to be confused with “The Doghouse”)

 

2015 Manifesto additions

  • Air bags will be fitted to the Stock Exchange immediately, ready for the next crash.
  • Puddles deeper than 3 inches will be marked by a yellow plastic duck.
  • Unruly teenagers will be superglued together as if you can’t beat them, join them.
  • X-ray machines will be manned by a skeleton staff.
  • All University Tuition fees for women would be free as we are strong believers in Female intuition. (Due to gender equality laws we would include males as well)
  • Vehicles will be fitted with bungy chords in order to save fuel on the return journey.

Loonie Party of Canada Manifesto